Pensacola, Florida
Saturday December 16th 2017

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News of the Weird 6/22/17

By Chuck Shepherd

Our Litigious Society (1) David Waugaman, 57, fell off a barstool last year and needed surgery, and of course he is suing the tavern at Ziggy’s Hotel in Youngwood, Pennsylvania, for continuing to serve him before he fell. Wrote Waugaman, “You’re not supposed to feed people so much booze.” (2) Robert Bratton filed a lawsuit recently in Columbia, Missouri, against the Hershey chocolate company because there was too much empty space in his grocery-store box of Reese’s Pieces, which he thought was “deceptive” (even though the correct number of Pieces was printed on the label). In May, federal judge Nanette Laughrey ruled that Bratton’s case could continue for the jury to decide.

Latest From Offended Classes (1) Some minority students’ organizations, commenting on the planned extensive renovation of the University of Michigan’s student union building, recommended ditching the current interior’s elegant wood paneling—because it gives off an “imposing, masculine” feeling that makes them seem “marginalized.” A spokesperson for the students, attempting to soothe the controversy, said the marginalization was more based on the building’s “quiet nature.” (2) In Australia, Chanel’s just-introduced luxury wood-and-resin boomerang (selling for the equivalent of about $1,415) came under fire from aboriginal groups for “cultural appropriation.” (Hermes had issued its own luxury boomerang in 2013.)

More Animals With Affordable Health Care In April, the annual report of the Association of British Insurers on its members’ policies for pet owners noted that among the claims paid were those for a bearded dragon with an abscess, an anorexic Burmese python, a cocker spaniel that swallowed a turkey baster, a cockatoo with respiratory problems, and even a “lethargic” house cat (which nonetheless cost the equivalent of $470 to treat).

Legal “Experts” Everywhere! American “sovereigns” litter courtrooms with their self-indulgent misreadings of history and the Constitution (misreadings that, coincidentally, happen to favor them with free passes on arrests and tax-paying), but now, the U.K.’s Exeter Crown Court has experienced Mark Angell, 41, who said in May that he simply could not step into the courtroom dock to state a plea concerning possession of cannabis because he would thus be “submitting” to “maritime law,” which he could not legally do on dry land. Judge: “Don’t talk nonsense. Get in the dock.” Angell was ordered to trial. Before leaving, he gave the judge a bill for his detention: the equivalent of $2.5 million.

More Third-World Religion In March, Zimbabwean pastor Paul Sanyangore of Victory World International Ministries was captured on video during a sermon telephoning God. Clutching a phone to his ear, he yelled, “Hello, is this heaven? I have a woman here, what do you have to say about her?” (Her two children, one epileptic, the other asthmatic, are then confusingly described by “heaven” as being “changed,” and Paul ended the call to resounding cheers from the congregation.)

More of the World’s Third-Oldest Crime (Smuggling) (1) In the latest awesome drug-mule haul of gold (into South Korea, where it fetches higher prices than in neighboring countries), 51 people were arrested in May for bringing in, over a two-year period, a cumulative two tons, worth $99 million, by hiding it in body parts befitting their biological sex. (2) Customs officials in Abdali, Kuwait, apprehended a pigeon in May with 178 ketamine pills inside a fabric pocket attached to its back.