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News of the Weird 7/13/17

By the Editors at Andrews McMeel

EDITORS NOTE From its beginning as a newsletter shared among friends, “News of the Weird” has grown to be one of the most popular syndicated sources for true tales of the bizarre taken from the world’s news headlines. Now, after more than 30 years assembling his weekly compendium of odd news stories, Chuck Shepherd has announced his retirement with the July 2 edition of the column.

But the news never stops, and neither will “News of the Weird.” Chuck’s longtime editors will continue to provide the same weekly roundup of funny, sometimes frightening stories of human misbehavior readers have come to love and look forward to.

Oh, Canada Canadian company Bad Axe Throwing announced in June it is bringing its unusual entertainment concept to Denver. It’s “like darts, but on steroids,” says founder Mario Zelaya. Customers provide their own food and beer and learn how to throw axes at targets. “We’ll be bringing along the competitive league side as well. That means that folks in Denver can sign up … and compete at a global level,” Zelaya said.

Insult to Injury It was dark in the wee hours of June 30 in Jacksonville, Florida, and Cedric Jelks, 38, probably never saw the loaded gun on the driver’s seat of his car as he got in, but he certainly felt it after the gun went off, wounding his manhood. When police investigating the report of a gunshot wound arrived at the hospital Jelks was taken to, they added possible firearms charges to his pain after discovering Jelks had a prior conviction for cocaine possession.

Oops! Jerry Lynn of Ross, Pennsylvania, is continually haunted by the result of a minor mishap 13 years ago while drilling a hole in the wall of his living room. During his project, an alarm clock fell through the hole and to the floor behind the wall. Since then, the alarm sounds dutifully at 7:10 p.m. (standard time) every day.

Why Not? A driver in Zhenjiang, China, took drive-thru service to the next level on June 10 when he carefully pulled his tiny automobile through the front doors of a convenience store, requested a package of potato chips and a bottle of yogurt, paid for his purchase and reversed through the doors with the cashier’s guidance. Surveillance video shows the cashier waving and saluting as the car pulls away. He posited that the driver might have been avoiding getting out of his car in the rain.

Bright Ideas Smoke bombs aren’t just for celebrating our nation’s birth! Mike Tingley of Grand Blanc Township, Michigan, burned his garage to the ground on July 3 when he used smoke bombs to try to rid the structure of a bees’ nest. When firefighters from three townships arrived, fireworks stored in the garage were shooting into the sky. “We really weren’t going to celebrate the Fourth of July so much,” Tingley said. His home, which was not attached to the garage, was not damaged.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit Ventura County, California, sheriff’s officers charged three produce workers with grand theft fruit after they were caught making unauthorized cash sales of avocados from a ripening facility. Joseph Valenzuela, 38, Carlos Chavez, 28, and Rahim Leblanc, 30, liquidated up to $300,000 worth of off-the-books avocados. “It’s a big product here in California,” said Sgt. John Franchi. “Everybody loves avocados.”

News That Sounds Like a Joke The Innovation Center for U.S. Dairy reported in June that as many as 16.4 million Americans believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. In fact, the center’s most frequently asked question on its website is, “Does chocolate milk come from brown cows?” (The answer is no.) Almost half of respondents to the center’s survey weren’t sure where chocolate milk comes from at all.

Too Much Time on Their Hands Awesome! An industrious group of Russian mechanics created a huge fidget spinner by welding parts of three cars together in the shape of the ubiquitous toy. The Garage 54 team, based in Novosibirsk, tried spinning the creation with one person in each car, but eventually had better luck with just one driver.

Crime Report A Spencer’s store at Park Plaza Mall in Little Rock, Arkansas, took on a Jerry Springer vibe on June 21 when a disgruntled customer tried to steal a stripper pole. A Spencer’s employee chased the woman into the mall and in the ensuing struggle was bitten by the customer, who then relinquished the stripper pole and ran away. At press time, the biter was still at large

Divine Revelations Honduran housewife Iris Suyapa Caceres Castellanos “felt something coming into my body from the soles of my feet” after finding a flour tortilla with a likeness of Jesus Christ. Since the discovery on June 14, Castellanos’ home in Danli has been flooded with pilgrims who want a look at the holy tortilla, including Olga Marina, 71, who said: “You look at the little eyes, the little mustache and his hair … can you imagine? It’s a miracle.” Castellanos hopes to preserve the savior-y tortilla for the rest of her life.