Pensacola, Florida
Monday December 11th 2017

Archives

News of the Weird 10/12/17

By the Editors at Andrews McMeel

What’s Old Is Weird Again You may have seen the widely distributed weird news story about the Mad Pooper, a woman who has been seen defecating on lawns in Colorado Springs, Colorado. According to KRDO.com, on Sept. 25, an unidentified man claiming to be a spokesman for the Pooper posted (and has since removed) two videos in which he tried to justify her movements and win sympathy for her. In the videos, the spokesman says the unidentified Pooper is not responsible for her actions because she has suffered a traumatic brain injury and has had gender reassignment surgery, leaving her unable to control herself. He also claims her actions are protected by the First Amendment, in response to which Colorado Springs attorney Jeremy Loew called foul: “Defecating in someone’s yard is definitely not protected under the First Amendment and it is actually a crime.” Loew went on: “People all over the world are talking about this, and police will catch her.”

What’s in a Name? Death Wish Coffee—a cold-brewed, canned coffee the company touts as “fiercely caffeinated” (as much as 4 1/2 times more caffeine per fluid ounce than regular coffee), with a skull and crossbones logo—recalled its 11-ounce cans on Sept. 20 because they could possibly contain the deadly toxin botulin. Company founder Mike Brown, 37, said no incidents have been reported, but he is very serious about the safety of his product. “I know our logo and name might not seem like it reflects that,” Brown told The Washington Post. Production has been halted, and customers can request refunds from Death Wish’s website.

The Farce Is Strong A black-and-white photo depicting the signing of the Charter of the United Nations in San Francisco in 1945 has prompted the recall and reprinting of Saudi social studies textbooks because it pictures Saudi King Faisal seated next to the Jedi master Yoda. The photograph was created by 26-year-old Saudi artist Abdullah Al Shehri, who mixes pop culture icons into historic photographs. Shehri told The New York Times in September he inserted Yoda into the photo because he reminded him of the king. “He was wise and was always strong in his speeches,” Shehri said. “I am the one who designed it, but I am not the one who put it in the book,” he clarified. Saudi education minister Ahmed al-Eissa apologized for the mistake, but the mystery of how the photo got into the book remains unsolved.

It’s Good to Have Goals Octogenarians Ray and Wilma Yoder of Goshen, Indiana, have finally achieved a goal they set nearly 40 years ago: to visit every Cracker Barrel location in the United States. On Aug. 31, they checked off the last of 645 stops in Tualatin, Oregon, where they each received a Four-Star apron, the company’s highest honor. The Yoders once stopped at 10 Cracker Barrels in one day as they traveled up the East Coast. “I’ve always walked away feeling refreshed,” Ray Yoder told ABC News. “For two old people, we’re pretty fast moving.”

People With Issues Timothy Bates, 37, of Collierville, Tennessee, was arrested on Sept. 24 by the Secret Service after being observed urinating at the corner of 17th and Pennsylvania Avenue NW, near the White House in Washington, D.C. WTOP-FM reported that Bates explained to the officers that he was headed to the White House, where he hoped to meet with National Security Agency Director Adm. Mike Rogers and Defense Secretary Gen. James Mattis to find out “how to get the dog chip out of my head.” He explained that he is part of the MK Ultra project, managed by the CIA, and had chips implanted in his head that cause headaches, shaking and convulsions. Bates also told officers he had weapons in his car, which amounted to nine firearms, brass knuckles, a black jack and three knives. A former Memphis police officer, Bates has been involuntarily committed twice this year for mental health reasons.