Pensacola, Florida
Wednesday January 16th 2019


News of the Weird 4/12/18

By the Editors at Andrews McMeel

Mistaken Identity Around 4:30 a.m. on March 22, High Point, North Carolina, 911 dispatchers received a surprising call from a man informing them he had broken into a business. “Yes, this is Jesus Christ, and I just broke into the Pizza Hut,” claimed 46-year-old Richard Lee Quintero of Greensboro, according to WFMY TV. “Jesus is here, he’s back to Earth. I just broke in and had a pizza. I’m Jesus,” Quintero told dispatchers. “Because I’m Jesus, I can do whatever I want.” He also complained that “everybody’s been treating me mean.” High Point police officers arrested Quintero and charged him with breaking and entering and larceny.

Extreme Measures Shannon Dean Egeland, 43, of Kuna, Oregon, was found guilty Feb. 28 in an elaborate scheme to delay a prison sentence and collect insurance. The Idaho Statesman reported that shortly before Egeland was to begin a 10-year jail term in 2014 for his role in a $20 million housing scandal, he took out a disability insurance policy and talked his then-17-year-old son into shooting him in the legs with a 20-gauge shotgun, which would delay his prison term—not to mention let him collect on the new insurance policy. After the teenager shot him, Egeland called police and said he’d been assaulted, but police became suspicious when they found Egeland’s wallet and BMW were still at the scene. U.S. District Judge Anna J. Brown tacked three years and 10 months of additional time onto Egeland’s original sentence. Egeland, who eventually lost his left leg, stood before the judge on his prosthetic leg and said he’d had a lot of time to reflect on his crimes and realized he needs mental health counseling. Assistant U.S. Attorney Scott Bradford called him a “menace to society.”

Just Can’t Get Enough It’s been a twisty, U-turny road for Brittany Ann Koerselman, 19, and her first (soon-to-be second) husband, Jeremie Rook, 24, of Little Rock, Iowa. The two originally married in 2014, when Koerselman, then 15, was pregnant with Rook’s child. But they divorced when she was 18. “He just wasn’t ready to be all of that,” Koerselman told Metro News. “The parent, the husband, the responsible person. He just wasn’t ready for that.” She said she and Rook have gotten back together and split up seven times since their divorce, but they can’t stand being apart, so they’re planning a “f-ing princess wedding” for this summer. “The last time I got married, I got swollen on the way to Missouri—it’s six hours (drive), so my shoes didn’t fit,” Koerselman recalled. “We’re reusing (the) old engagement ring. He’s different this time,” she told (herself).

Least Competent Criminals When an intoxicated man arrived at the Delaware State Police Troop 1 station in Wilmington on March 20, looking for a ride home, officers thought he seemed familiar. Turns out he was Christopher McDowell, 34, a suspect in a Feb. 22 shoplifting incident at a local Kohl’s store, according to the News Journal. McDowell was charged with shoplifting and arraigned, then released on $1,000 bail. After he made a phone call to a friend for a ride home, his Kohl’s accomplice, April Wright, 48, showed up—and she too was arrested and charged.

•John Silva and Derrick Irving thought they had a foolproof plan to cover their tracks after breaking into a mutual acquaintance’s apartment on March 13 in DeLand, Florida. The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office told News 6 the men stole appliances and a flat-screen TV from the home, then stopped before leaving to set a pot of spaghetti sauce on a hot burner and place a washcloth nearby so it would catch fire and destroy evidence. The victim had been alerted to the break-in by security cameras and called police, who stopped the two and found among the stolen goods in their car an empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce. Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson.

Feuds In Toronto, a group of animal rights advocates started protesting outside a restaurant called Antler in early December. By March, the protests had grown, and Antler’s co-owner, Michael Hunter, had had enough of the “murder” signs and “You’ve got blood on your hands” chants. So on March 23, he told the Globe and Mail, he figured, “I’m going to have my own protest. … This is who we are and what we do. So I went and got a deer leg.” Hunter brought a cutting board, knife and the hindquarter of a deer into the front window and butchered the meat while the protesters looked on. As a result, Hunter and the protesters are now trying to open a dialogue, and reservation requests at Antler have increased.

•Neighbors in Gainesville, Florida, called police on March 11 after finding a set of stairs barricaded in their condominium complex. The Gainesville Sun reported that Derrick Lamar Walker, 34, told officers on their arrival that his neighbors had been stomping in the stairwell outside his apartment to “get back at him for his several (insurance-related) lawsuits,” according to a police department report. In retaliation, Walker had covered the stairs with fishing line, thin rubber gaskets, duct tape and cooking oil to try to keep the neighbors away. He was arrested on a criminal mischief charge and was held at the Alachua County Jail.