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News of the Weird 7/25/19

By the Editors at Andrews McMeel

Excuuuuuuse Me! Clay County (Missouri) Sheriff’s officers didn’t have to put their tracking skills to much use as they searched for a fugitive in early July near Liberty, Missouri, according to Fox2. The unnamed man, who was wanted for possession of a controlled substance, gave himself away by loudly passing gas in his hiding spot. Deputies noted on Facebook: “If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a (poop emoji) day.”

Least Competent Criminal In Shawnee, Oklahoma, Brandon Killian, 29, was already in trouble for brutally beating Jarric Carolina in a June brawl. But as he sat in custody, he told an officer that his face was injured from being “first socked” during the fight. When the officer left the room to get a camera, Killian, who was being recorded, punched himself multiple times in the face (strangely using one hand to propel the other fist into his cheek). Now his charges include preparing false evidence, KFOR reported. “Lying to the police and creating a false report will not be tolerated,” warned District Attorney Allan Grubb. Killian is currently serving time in the Oklahoma County Jail for a separate drug court violation.

Ewwww Jung Soon Wypcha, 66, took retail competition to a new level in Indian Shores, Florida, in June, where over several days she sabotaged Lu Lu’s Ice Cream shop, located next door to her Indian Shores Food Mart. The two shops share a bathroom, and starting on June 17, video showed Wypcha (1) used the bathroom with the door open and didn’t wash her hands, then went to the ice cream freezer and put her hands into the containers; (2) picked her nose, then put her hands into the containers; (3) spit into the containers. Wypcha’s piece de resistance took place on June 22, when she urinated into an ice cream bucket, then dumped the bucket in a sink where ice cream utensils and bowls are washed. Lu Lu’s owner Paul Chiulli told the Tampa Bay Times that Wypcha ruined $2,000 worth of ice cream and forced his shop to close for five days. She was charged with criminal mischief and tampering with consumer products, both felonies.

News You Can Use Car rental companies in Japan began noticing last summer that some customers were putting very few miles on their vehicles, so they conducted surveys to find out what renters are using the cars for, reported The Asahi Shimbun, and discovered that one in eight renters were using cars for something besides transportation, to wit: napping (most popular activity), talking on the phone, eating lunch, watching TV, putting on Halloween costumes and doing stretches said to reduce the size of their face. One respondent said she uses rented cars to store bags and other belongings because coin-operated lockers are sometimes all in use. Renting is cheap in Japan, costing only a few hundred yen (several dollars).

Bird Brain Ted Richards of Bristol, England, isn’t your run-of-the-mill bird lover. He admires parrots so much that he has had his face tattooed with feathers and his eyes colored with tattoo ink, risking blindness. HuffPost reported that Richards, who goes by Ted Parrotman, also had his ears removed, which has impaired his hearing. “Parrots only got little holes anyways, so I had them cut off,” he said. “I didn’t think about the complications, you know? Because if you looked at negative all the time, you’d never do anything.” Well said, Parrotman. Well said.

From Andrews McMeel Syndication
News Of The Weird 
© 2019 Andrews McMeel

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