Pensacola, Florida
Thursday October 17th 2019


News of the Weird 9/26/19

By the Editors at Andrews McMeel

Bright Idea Joshua Jack of Auckland, New Zealand, received an email from his bosses at an ad agency informing him that he was expected at a “redundancy meeting” to discuss his future at the company. Kindly, the New Zealand Herald reported, they suggested he was welcome to bring along a support person, such as a friend or family member. “Sensing the bad news, I decided I’d need the best support person available,” Jack wrote on Facebook, “so I spent $200 ($127 U.S.) to hire a clown.” As the co-workers discussed Jack’s exit, the clown blew up balloons and folded them into animals. He mimed crying when Jack was handed his final paperwork. Jack said his bosses found the humor in the situation, and he has already landed another job.

News You Can Use It’s springtime in Australia, which means if you’re headed outside down under, you’ll want to carry a big stick with you. September and October are the height of magpie swooping season, when nesting magpies are known to attack walkers, runners and bike riders in defense of their young. While they’re only 12 inches long or so, 7News reported, the black-and-white birds can cause a lot of pain with their sharp beaks. Last year, a toddler was nearly blinded, and this year a man who was attacked as he rode his bike veered off the path and crashed, later dying of head injuries. “They’re never trying to hurt anyone or be malicious,” ornithologist Gisela Kaplan said. “It’s all about risk assessment.”

The Dog Did It Thomas Barnes, 58, got an unpleasant surprise in his bill from DirectTV in August after his dog, Marino, jumped up on Barnes’ bed and pressed a remote button that mistakenly ordered pay-per-view from the Hustler channel. Barnes immediately called his service provider and explained the snafu, and he was assured that the charges would be removed. But the X-rated content remained, so after making a second call and getting no satisfaction, Barnes paid his next bill—minus $70. Then his service was canceled altogether. Finally, Barnes complained to the Federal Communications Commission, which prompted a call from DirectTV, promising a credit on his next bill. “There’s a problem when there’s a mistake and you expect me to pay for the mistake,” Barnes told the Raleigh News and Observer.

There’s a Rule for Everything Followers of Emily Post who are floundering with the rules for making toast … er, getting toasted will want to pick up the new book from her great-great-granddaughter, Lizzie Post. According to The New York Times, “Higher Etiquette: A Guide to the World of Cannabis, From Dispensaries to Dinner Parties” offers tidbits of advice for a variety of situations, to wit: Don’t eat all the munchies. Avoid words like “pothead” and “weed,” which can have negative connotations. Tip your “budtender” well, as he or she probably makes minimum wage. “Etiquette,” Post reminds us, “can be so easy.”

Hair Fetish? In the overnight hours of Sept. 17, thieves targeting Prime Trading Hair and Wigs in Miami Gardens, Florida, rammed the front door repeatedly and eventually made off with $70,000 to $80,000 worth of wigs, some worth as much as $800 apiece, reported WFOR. Business owner Rakib Hossain said the thieves “knew where the expensive products were, and they knew everything about the stock room.” Thankfully, he was insured for his losses. In a strange twist, the burglary at Prime Trading follows a similar incident two weeks earlier, right across the street at Subi Training Inc., where criminals stole up to $100,000 worth of products including many wigs.

Chutzpah! In their booking photos, Aaron Seth Thomas, 31, and Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, are both sporting sly little grins, and no wonder: After they were detained near midnight on Sept. 13 for drunk bicycling in Fernandina Beach, Florida, the couple passed the time in the back of the patrol car by stripping down and having sex. Nassau County Sheriff’s deputies pulled Thomas, who was fully naked, out of the car, but he escaped, The Florida Times-Union reported. He was later found hiding behind an ice cream store nearby. The two were charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition, threats against public officials, attempted escape, resisting arrest with violence, exposing sexual organs and theft, along with DUI.

Awesome! Gerry Moore’s goal with his latest project is “making people smile,” and it’s working. The Pensacola, Florida, man built a “boat car,” a hybrid vehicle that looks like a boat on top but motors along the street on the chassis of a Ford Expedition. Moore’s wife, Karen, said her husband completed the project in three days and made sure it was street legal before taking it out on the road. WEAR TV reported on Sept. 10 that the vehicle is a “permanent convertible,” but Moore keeps a scuba mask and snorkel on board in case they get caught in the rain.