The summer blockbusters are out. The Movie, Book and Web Section of the Entertainment Division of the Southeast Territory of the IN news and entertainment empire has come up with these Pensacola versions that haven’t quite made it to the theaters, yet.
THE HANGOVER: PART III The Wolf Pack travels to Perdido Key to watch Stu toss mullet at the Flora-Bama. Somehow they manage to lose his future brother-in-law, as well as their memories of the previous night. What happened is still hazy, but the clues are nothing short of intriguing: a Harley, a pair of extra large granny panties and a “Vote for Ron McNesby” emery board.
GROVER ROBINSON AND THE BP HALLOWS – PART 2 Commissioners Grover Robinson, Marie Young and Gene Valentino hunt down the Horcruxes and face off against the vile Voldemort (Gov. Rick Scott) and his minions in the epic Battle of Hogwarts over BP funds.
BAD TEACHER A potty-mouthed, booze-swilling teacher sets her sights on a career at WEAR TV 3 by raising enough money to get a boob job. And that’s where her students come in–the educator whose class has the highest FCAT score gets a huge bonus.
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE PORT
The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft in an abandoned warehouse that has been used to store frozen chickens. They must race against the Decepticons to find it and learn its secrets, which could turn the tide in the Transformers’ final battle. C.C. Elebash has a cameo.
HORRIBLE BOSSES Three retired Monsanto workers figure that the only roadblocks that separate them from their hard-earned pensions and health benefits are the new bosses of their former employer. So they decide to whack them, one at a time. They hire Dwight Schrute to do the dirty deeds.
CAPTAIN ESCAMBIA: THE FIRST AVENGER Commissioner Kevin White volunteers to let the University of West Florida transform him into a super-powered, budget cut-fighting commissioner. Public enemy No. 1? Florida Legislature’s fearsome budget genius, the Red Skull (also played by Gov. Rick Scott).
MAYOR & ALIENS
Mayor Beverly Zimmern reins in her dysfunctional council to battle aliens that returned to her small town upset that they didn’t get a share of Ed Walters’ book deal.
It’s Freaky Friday for the suburban male set when P.C. Wu mysteriously switches bodies with Pensacola Mayor Ashton Hayward the morning after a six-hour council meeting. Hayward trying to ride Wu’s bike, as Wu, is a gut-buster.