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News of the Weird 3/29/12

by Chuck Shepherd

PEOPLE OF FAITH: GPS NAVIGATOR USERS In a world of advancing technology and declining map-reading skills, some GPS navigator users blindly over-rely on the devices, and News of the Weird has reported enough of their predicaments to mark the category “no longer weird.” However, three Japanese students on holiday near Brisbane, Australia, in March created a new standard for ignoring common sense. Bound for North Stradbroke Island (about eight miles offshore), the driver (according to authorities cited by the local Bayside Bulletin) apparently put maps and eyesight aside, in favor of the all-powerful Navigator, which had instructed him to proceed. As news spread on the Internet, photographers rushed to capture the car, half-buried in sand. (In the students’ defense, the beach seemed to extend to the horizon at low tide — although the word “island” might have deserved more respect.) [Bayside Bulletin (Cleveland, Australia), 3-15-2012]

Family Values What Christmas gift would be appropriate for the 7-year-old daughter of Britain’s notorious specimen of plastic surgery known as the “Human Barbie”? For little “Poppy” Burge, it was a gift certificate worth the equivalent of about $11,000 for future liposuction (redeemable beginning at age 18). Mom Sarah had already given her a voucher for breast augmentation. (Poppy, developing her early-onset need for attention: “I can’t wait to be like Mummy with big boobs. They’re pretty.”) Mom, who recently turned 51, celebrated with about $80,000 worth of additional plastic surgery to run her lifetime total to the equivalent of (depending on source consulted) $800,000 to $1 million. [Daily Mail (London), 1-4-2012]

• Sheriff’s detectives told the Everett, Wash., Daily Herald in January that they had recently tracked down a 21-year-old man who confessed to stealing checks from the Money Tree store in Lynnwood, Wash., and forging signatures. According to the detectives, the man was clear about his motive: “I don’t have an addiction. I don’t need to use drugs. I (was) doing this to show my parents that I can make it on my own, without them.” [Daily Herald, 1-25-2012]

Wisconsinites, Doing It the Hard Way In October, Robbie Suhr, 48, of Pleasant Prairie, Wis., sought the affections of the young exchange student living with Suhr and his wife and children, but she had so far declined. According to police, a disguised Suhr snatched the woman one night, intending to tie her up, leave, and then return undisguised to “rescue” her. However, she fought back, sending the masked man fleeing. (Suhr got off easier than Jordan Cardella, 20, of Milwaukee did several months earlier. To win back his girlfriend, Cardella convinced a buddy to shoot him, hoping for the girlfriend’s sympathy and a change of heart. Although he requested three shots in the back, he wisely settled for one in the arm. Alas, the girlfriend continued to ignore him.) [WTMJ-TV (Milwaukee), 10-30-2011] [Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee), 7-26-2011]

It’s Everywhere! (1) Two ministers in the Indian state of Karnataka were pressured into resigning in February after allegedly being spotted watching pornography on a cellphone in the state legislature. Minister Laxman Savadi said he was actually doing research on the dangers of “rave” parties. (2) A 54-year-old court clerk at Inner London Crown Court was caught by his judge looking at pornography during the victim’s testimony at a notorious rape trial. He said he was just “bored” and admitted previously browsing porn in court. [BBC News, 2-8-2012] [Daily Mail, 2-7-2012]

People With Issues Now in its third season, the TLC cable channel’s series “My Strange Addiction” continues to raise the bar for News of the Weird stories. This season’s highlights include the man sexually attracted to his car, plus women who surround themselves with mothballs or eat cat food or drink nail polish or dig into their ears or eat adhesive tape. In one episode, “Ayanna,” 54, who has not cut her fingernails in three decades, reports that she has recently been cultivating her toenails, which are now 4 inches long and hampering her use of shoes. Another episode this season features Sheyla Hershey, mentioned in News of the Weird four weeks ago after she credited her gigantic breast implants with cushioning her body during a recent car crash. [ABC News, 2-10-2012; Daily Mail (London), 3-6- 2012]

Least Competent Criminals One of the largest methamphetamine busts in U.S. history was made in March by police in Palo Alto, Calif., who used the popular Find-My-iPad app. Apparently, someone at the drug house had stolen the iPad, and police turned on the owner’s global-positioning “app,” pointing to an apartment complex in Santa Clara County. Almost 800 pounds of meth was confiscated, with a street value of about $35 million. Said the father of the iPad owner, “They have $35 million, and they can’t go out and buy an iPad?” [Mercury News (San Jose), 3-3-2012] {in}